Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
