I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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