I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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