Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize