I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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