I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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