i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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