I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My Sexting was not on an AP level
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
