no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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