Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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