My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
