Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
