I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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