I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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