I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
