does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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