I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
