u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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