Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
is that a dick in a sweater?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
