Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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