Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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