After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
