You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
