if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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