Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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