I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
