my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
