I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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