This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
