maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
