At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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