Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
