oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Did you just see the Batmobile???
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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