I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
