We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
