I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
40s are totally the cure
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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