I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
