Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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