I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
