so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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