I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
