one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
