I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this boner is exhausting
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
