Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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