Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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