it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
