it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
