Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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