I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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