Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
