I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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