it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
