That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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