I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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