Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I pour the whiskey from now on
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
