his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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