I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
