You smell like stripper and shame
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
