Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How naked do you want me to be?
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