Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
