I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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