he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
