not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
