regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
