dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
