she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
