I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
