If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
